Belief

July 21, 2011 Thursday Night

Today’s lunch was at a local restaurant that serves the best basil pork rice dish and garlic pork…yummy. This was our third time eating here and I guess you can say we were becoming regulars. After we were stuffing our faces, Ki-Lang ordered one more plate and told the 50+ year-old chef to make any dish for him. The dish was pretty good, but that was when the chef began talking to Ki-Lang, in Thai of course so I couldn’t understand. The chef began to pat his heart and I guess he went on to share that he has an irregular heartbeat. He used to smoke and doesn’t smoke anymore, but their shop has to close by 5pm every day because he has to rest due to his heart problem.

I kept asking Ki-Lang to translate and decipher what the chef was saying. I could feel my heart gravitating towards this friendly old man who had the purest smile. I’m pretty sure he was Buddhist due to the shrine in the back corner of the shop. I told Ki-Lang to tell the chef that I thought his food was the BEST (it is truly extremely good). The chef smiled and nodded.

I asked Ki-Lang, “Hey is it weird if you tell him that I will be praying for his heart condition?” Ki-Lang told the chef that I would be praying to “Prajow” (God) and the chef bowed and said thank you.

Here is when it got really weird.

So…in the past few years I think I’ve been learning how to listen to God’s voice and how to recognize it. Therefore, from previous experiences, I knew that the voice I was hearing at this very moment was definitely God. It was just pressing on my heart like BAM BAM BAM SAY IT SAY IT.

In my head I was conversing with myself, “Say, ‘The God of Israel can heal your heart.’”

“No, Rebekah, don’t say it. What are you going to do? Pray for him right here and now? What if you pray and he isn’t healed? Then what? He’s going to be pretty hurt and mad that what you said didn’t come true.”

“What are you so scared about? Do you not believe that God can heal this man? Do you not remember how God has healed people around you and yourself in the past? What do you believe?”

“Stop it, Rebekah. Believe in Jesus’ power. Jesus, HELP ME WITH MY DISBELIEF!”

We got up and left the restaurant. I bowed excessively to the chef and the other waitresses. “Kap Kun Ka!”

Yeah, the next half hour consisted of talking it out with other team members and really analyzing and figuring it out in my head. When it comes to prayer and healing, I believe that we should pray truly believing in the power of our God. I believe that we should pray for physical healing, but especially for their hearts that they may come to know Christ because that is what is truly eternal. I think that God has a plan and whether it is in his will or not to heal right at that moment, or slowly, or never, is all up to Him. He is our God and He knows what is best, even if our earthly minds cannot comprehend His ways.

Today, I think God opened a door for me, but I chickened out. The main question it left me with was, do I truly believe that God can heal? Where is my faith in my God of Israel, the one who parted the Red Sea, who healed the blind, who conquered death, who chose to love me?

Jesus, help me with my disbelief. Amen.

Be Bold. Be Strong. Joshua 1:9.